Special Counsel Mueller Expands Team to Include Hot Dog Cart, Soft Pretzel Vendor

The impaneling of a grand jury by special counsel Robert Mueller on Thursday has unfortunately overshadowed other important news. Mueller welcomed two new members to his team of experienced prosecutors and lawyers: a hot dog cart and a soft pretzel vendor. Reports indicate that the investigative team was tired of eating frozen and pre-prepared meals during their work and used the freedom afforded to the special counsel to secure two sources of fresh hot food for the office.

The White House legal team indicated that they were investigating possible conflicts of interest in the two new hires, including whether either vendor had sold food to Hillary Clinton or other Democratic politicians in the past. Photo Credit: Kathleen Tyler Conklin.


Cold War 2: Cold Harder


Who doesn’t love a good sequel? After the cliffhanger ending of the first Cold War, it would appear that the US and Russia are at it again to bring us the long awaited Cold War 2. We last left things off with the United States and Russia in an uneasy truce, but because of Russia’s “alleged” interference in the US election things are getting heated again.

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are going to go head-to-head as two global superpowers clash. Puppet governments will be formed, military conflicts will be had, but never with each other! It’s the continuation of the constant “will they, won’t they” that we’ve craved for so long. Who knows what and the brilliant mind behind The Apprentice will bring us with this new project.

White House Lawyers Double Down, Question Existence of Russia in Press Release

The daily publication of new information related to alleged collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russian government has left the White House legal team rushing to respond. Lawyers for the President, instead of answering each new allegation separately, have opted for a different approach.

“The witch hunt defaming the President’s campaign practices is unprecedented and completely unfounded,” wrote newly hired lawyer Ty Cobb. “We do not even know if this alleged state of Russia exists, let alone whether there was meddling or collusion on anyone’s part during the election.”

White House Kitchen Staff Denies Collusion after Preparation of Perfect Beef Stroganoff


House Democrats called for an investigation into possible collusion between the White House kitchen staff and the Russian government after images of President Trump being served a perfectly prepared dish of Beef Stroganoff surfaced online Friday. Photo Credit: Samantha Appleton.