Intelligence Report Confirms North Korean Missiles use Diet Coke and Mentos as Propulsion

This past week has been a tumultuous international contest of strength as North Korea and the United States refuse to stand down, touting their military capabilities and ability to destroy each other and the world several times over. However, North Korea may be overstating the readiness and effectiveness levels of its Intercontinental Ballistic Missile program, claiming that the warheads are able to reach U.S. territories such as Guam.

An intelligence report circulating in Washington D.C., Tokyo, Seoul, and Beijing today indicates that rather than using conventional rocket engines, North Korean missiles rely solely on the physical reaction between Diet Coke and Mentos. The specifications outlined in the report estimate that North Korean ballistic missiles have an approximate range of 10 meters from launch, slightly less than the 3,430 kilometers that separate North Korea and Guam. This revelation is not particularly shocking, as last month another report confirmed that due to a shortage of gunpowder the North Korean Army was manufacturing land mines filled with Pop Rocks instead of explosive material. Photo Credit: Kalamazoo Public Library.

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North Korea Tested Another Missile And Shockingly It Did Not Go Well

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Yesterday, North Korea conducted its latest missile test. The launch, dubbed the Superb Hate of Industrialization Test, failed spectacularly. Of the 250 miles the missile was supposed to travel it made it less than seven. Of course, to the people of North Korea, that means the missile traveled 70,000 miles, or almost three full times around the Earth.