Millennials are Killing the “Reporting on Millennials” Market

Due to the actions of millennials, another once booming industry is in freefall. Millennials entering adulthood and becoming consumers in the news market are sabotaging the market for reporting on how their generation is ruining the world. One reporter complained that “millennials have less money to spend out of college and they are using it for things like student loan payments and rent instead of buying magazines that blame them for our country’s woes. It is truly disgusting how this entitled generation is selfishly destroying industries that those before them worked to build.”

A millennial interviewed by Real Fake News Report tried to excuse his behavior by explaining: “I’m making minimum wage with a bachelor’s degree and I can barely afford to eat three meals a day. There’s no way I’m buying some overpriced magazines every month.” In spite of stagnant wages and skyrocketing tuition costs, millennials will just have to suck it up and cut out some of their other expenses to save the industry. Photo Credit: Jon S.

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Border Wall Proposal Causes Price of Avocado Toast to Skyrocket, Millennials Default on Student Loans En Masse

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The border wall project between the United States and Mexico has had disastrous economic ramifications. As the price of avocado toast has risen due to speculation of shortages, millennials across the country are making the decision to let their student loans go into default rather than find alternative breakfast options. Photo Credit: Nan Palmero.

The Zucchini Industry is Dying: Millennials Probably to Blame

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Another one of America’s most important crops is going the way of the dodo thanks to millennials, apparently. It leads us to ask: What industry death will millennials probably be at fault for next?