Special Counsel Mueller Expands Team to Include Hot Dog Cart, Soft Pretzel Vendor

The impaneling of a grand jury by special counsel Robert Mueller on Thursday has unfortunately overshadowed other important news. Mueller welcomed two new members to his team of experienced prosecutors and lawyers: a hot dog cart and a soft pretzel vendor. Reports indicate that the investigative team was tired of eating frozen and pre-prepared meals during their work and used the freedom afforded to the special counsel to secure two sources of fresh hot food for the office.

The White House legal team indicated that they were investigating possible conflicts of interest in the two new hires, including whether either vendor had sold food to Hillary Clinton or other Democratic politicians in the past. Photo Credit: Kathleen Tyler Conklin.

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White House Lawyers Double Down, Question Existence of Russia in Press Release


The daily publication of new information related to alleged collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russian government has left the White House legal team rushing to respond. Lawyers for the President, instead of answering each new allegation separately, have opted for a different approach.

“The witch hunt defaming the President’s campaign practices is unprecedented and completely unfounded,” wrote newly hired lawyer Ty Cobb. “We do not even know if this alleged state of Russia exists, let alone whether there was meddling or collusion on anyone’s part during the election.”