Cold War 2: Cold Harder


Who doesn’t love a good sequel? After the cliffhanger ending of the first Cold War, it would appear that the US and Russia are at it again to bring us the long awaited Cold War 2. We last left things off with the United States and Russia in an uneasy truce, but because of Russia’s “alleged” interference in the US election things are getting heated again.

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are going to go head-to-head as two global superpowers clash. Puppet governments will be formed, military conflicts will be had, but never with each other! It’s the continuation of the constant “will they, won’t they” that we’ve craved for so long. Who knows what and the brilliant mind behind The Apprentice will bring us with this new project.


Ivanka Resigns as Trump’s Daughter


Ouch, another major blow to President Trump! Ivanka is resigning the role of his daughter. “I think it’s time to do some re-branding,” Ivanka stated, “and just like one of my ancestors changed their last name from Drumpf to Trump, I think I’ll change my last name to Tront. It is time for me to disown my father and his name and become my own woman.”

So what does this mean for President Trump? He’s now out of a Press Secretary, the head of his legal team, and his daughter, all in the same day. With so much turmoil in the White House, we better hope he’s still got his head on straight.

Trump Christens ‘Lucille’, his New “Negotiating Stick” with Clubbing of Minority Leader Schumer

2017 marks the 161st anniversary of the infamous caning of Senator Charles Sumner, an event that President Trump emulated on Wednesday, striking Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer several times with a baseball bat before yelling “Now you have something to cry about!” and fleeing the Senate chambers.

When asked about the addition of the bat to his negotiating arsenal, President Trump replied:
“A great guy said once to speak softly and carry a big stick. But I’m the best guy okay? So I’ll yell loud and I’ll carry the biggest stick. Believe me. It’s the greatest. You’ll love it.” Photo Credit: Alex Brandon / AP Photo.

Comey Memos Supposedly Contain Confidential Ingredient in President Trump’s Fake Tan


One leaker suggests that the reason we have yet to receive the brunt of James Comey’s memos regarding his meetings with President Trump is the fact that during these meetings President Trump at one point admitted the confidential ingredient in his fake tan. One can only imagine what sort of ingredient warrants confidentiality. Perhaps it’s ground ivory, or maybe baby seal tears? We wait to hear the truth.