New Electric Car Brand, Edison, Appears to be Selling Old Teslas

Tesla Model S P70

The above image, a 2016 Tesla Model S, is also being sold by the new electric car company, Edison, as the 2017 Edison Model R. Tesla founder Elon Musk released the specifications of his electric cars years ago in an attempt to help save the environment, but never intended for a competitor to copy them this blatantly. The CEO of Edison, Ulon Mesk, has said he has nothing but respect for Mr. Musk, and he is only trying to improve upon his initial design. It is unclear if there is a single difference between the two cars. It should also be noted that Mr. Mesk appears to be Mr. Musk, but wearing a novelty mustache. A reporter was unable to get close enough to attempt to take it off.


Factories Experimenting with Cattle Prods to Motivate Underperforming Workers

Several manufacturing plants in the United States have introduced a new tool aimed at increasing worker productivity. Employees will receive a “humane” electric shock at their workstations when their actions per minute drop below a standardized factory minimum.

Factory owners are in perpetual search of methods of increasing worker productivity, though older practices such as locking fire doors have fallen out of practice. The use of cattle prods is part of a new generation of innovation, one that complies with the “restrictive” workplace safety standards that hamstring production in many countries.

NASA to Sell Sweets, Bag Groceries to Fund Space Exploration

Just days after announcing that a lack of funding had put future Mars missions on hold, NASA released a new plan for scraping together the money to continue operating. NASA will take a page out of the Girl Scouts of America’s playbook, selling candy and cookies door to door as well as sending astronauts to local grocery stores to bag for tips.

It is unclear how effective the campaign will be and how long raising the estimated 100 billion dollars needed for the next Mars mission will take, but NASA administrators remain confident that their Moon Cakes and Astronaut Ice Cream will be big sellers nationwide. Photo Credit: Robert Markowitz / NASA.

North Korea Tested Another Missile And Shockingly It Did Not Go Well


Yesterday, North Korea conducted its latest missile test. The launch, dubbed the Superb Hate of Industrialization Test, failed spectacularly. Of the 250 miles the missile was supposed to travel it made it less than seven. Of course, to the people of North Korea, that means the missile traveled 70,000 miles, or almost three full times around the Earth.  

Thousands Injured, Millions of Dollars of Property Damage After New Smartphone App Falsely Promises to Turn Car into Autopilot


The new app, Yolo Autopilot, priced at $0.99, claimed to use its innovative “Car-Speak” technology to override the manual controls of any motor vehicle without an explicit pairing process. The app’s instructions told users to start driving on their own while having a friend input the address of their destination. The app would ding once the necessary “calculations” were made and the driver would be able to go hands and feet free as they let the app drive them to their desired location, despite not having any way to view the road.

As it turns out, “Car-Speak” technology does not exist and the app would ding once it detected the user was driving above 35 mph. This ensured an accident would occur, but typically at a non-lethal speed. The app made over $17,000 before being pulled from all app stores.

Elon Musk Flattered, but Slightly Creeped out by Shrines Built in his Honor in Tech Geeks’ Basements


There is no denying that Elon Musk, owner of Tesla Motors, businessman, and technology media darling has built a substantial following in recent years. Just how dedicated his fans can be, however, might be becoming an issue. Musk, responding to a collection of photographs of shrines bearing his likeness and business logos, was quoted as saying “I really appreciate the sentiment, I do. I’m just a little weirded out by the locks of hair and incense. And are those lipstick marks on my photo?”

None of the owners of the basement Musk shrines could be reached for comment. Photo Credit: Steve Jurvetson.